Monday, May 16, 2005

I do not wish to be pale pink

I'm supposed to be making a mix of summery songs for a CD swap and it's proving much more difficult than I ever expected. I was enthusiastic when I started (I'm the one who organized the swap in the first place) but the music that's resonating with me right now is more "Pain in My Heart" than "Good Day Sunshine." I pray that putting it off for a bit will help, and that my current funk will pass before the swap deadline. It's Spring and that's supposed to mean that my sadness should just mysteriously evaporate like it usually does at this time of year. I'm waiting and waiting, but it isn't happening. Knowing that this particular despair is normal for me should help some, but it isn't, really.

I'm just so...dissatisfied. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. So I knit, and cook, and doodle, and rehearse conversations in my head that I should be having out loud.

It's raining. I'm out of coffee. My kitchen is a mess, and my vaccuum cleaner is broken.

Even if I'm shouting, even if I'm shouting here inside.
Even if I'm shouting, do you see that I'm wanting,
that I want to be so
bright, bright, bright as yellow,
warm as yellow.


At 11:58 AM, Blogger Tom said...

I certainly hope you start to feel better soon, my friend.
It always sucks being in a bad mood and just wanting it to go away.
By the way, I really like that skull bag. Badass.


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